Blue Jays and Adulting

Recently, I had the luck to have my hair done by an amazing stylist/family friend. She did it a golden brown with individually-painted blonde highlights in the bangs and blonde, teal, and blue peek-a-boo highlights. It looked amazing, but I couldn't kept it up and I feel more natural with red anyway. Instead of trying to keep the blonde-teal-blue combo, she did red with blue covering everything else.. which I feel might be a little too much blue myself. However, as soon as she'd done the first session, blue jays started popping up all over my life. One left me a tail feather, now they're in all th yards, including mine, they follow me to the park. My animal is usually a panther, so here's what the internet has to say about blue jay symbolism: Like the crow, magpie and raven, blue jays are talkative creatures utilizing a wide range of vocalizations to express their opinions. Indeed, their speech abilities are so advanced, that they are able to mimic other birds and even humans. Blue jay's have been known to mimic hawk calls as a ploy to lure these birds of prey away from jay's nests. Likewise, those with the blue jay as their totem are quite loquaciousness, and have the gift of gab. Common vocations of those with the blue jay as their totem are sales people, lawyers, politicians, public speakers, and teachers. Animal Symbolism of the Blue Jay: Energy Clarity Vibrancy Advantage Curiosity Faithfulness Intelligence Communication Determination Assertiveness Loquaciousness Animal symbolism of determination, assertiveness, and intelligence is also a shared trait among those who claim the blue jay as their totem (and also common attributes with those having the vocations above listed). We see these characteristics in the blue jay because it is fiercely bold against its enemies. The jay is fearless when it comes to protecting its partner, young and territory. So too are those with this animal as their totem. They will defend their positions against adversaries who seem much more powerful than themselves - often with successful results.

Blue jay animal symbolism resonates truth, faithfulness, and solidarity because they are vigilant in their tasks. They also keep the same mate for life, which is symbolic of endurance, patience and loyalty. The jay is an excellent symbol for those wishing to honor their long-lasting bond between friends, family and lovers. In the spiritual realm, the blue jay speaks of clarity and vision. In Native American symbolism (namely the Sioux Nation) the azure of the jay against the blue sky indicated a "double vision" or double clarity. This visual/spiritual "blue on blue" concept speaks of purity of the soul, truth of the heart, and clarity of thought. In dreams the blue jay animal symbolism also deals with clarity - but of higher thoughts, and taking action. When we dream of blue jays our deeper selves may be telling us that we are not being honest with ourselves about something, and it's time to "come clean" with our thoughts. Blue jay's in dreams are also symbolic of taking action in the direction of our highest truth. The jay asks for honesty, and forthrightness - any other action taken (such as deceptive or dishonest action) will mean double jeopardy for us in our waking hours. These spiritual and dream impressions are especially poignant because the jay is an air animal totem. Creatures of the air naturally symbolize the realm of thought, higher ideals, spirituality and the attainment of higher truth. The Sioux also observed the jay preferring fir and oak trees for their homes and nesting areas. These trees are symbolic of longevity, endurance and strength, and so share the same animal symbolism with the blue jay. This is not to say the jay is persnickety. On the contrary, the blue jay animal symbolism includes aspects of opportunity and advantage because it will make its home anywhere. From supermarket awnings, to mailboxes, the blue jay is extremely resourceful and makes the best out of its environment. Those with the jay as their totem are likely to be the same way. Generally easy-going, jay people are able to make a turn situations around to their best advantage, and make awesome lemon aid out of the sourest of lemons. Blue jay's are vastly curious, stopping to peck at any shiny thing that catches their eye (much like crows and magpies). Those who resonate with the blue jay will also find themselves equally curious. Indeed, blue jay people have are always dabbling in new directions, gathering new insight, and slaking their curiosities. These people tend to be a jack-of-all trades, knowing a little bit about seemingly everything. This makes them fantastic trouble-shooters and quite resourceful (not to mention fascinating party guests).

Well, I haven't been feeling particularly assertive, loquacious, or determined lately.. but maybe that will rub off? I'm certainly all about clarity, honesty, and fierceness. Hopefully this is good medicine because I'm needing it. As for other animal symbolism in my life, my tarantula finally molted and.. it's a girl! I haven't named her yet. And don't look at me that way, I'm terrified of spiders, too. I just figured that if I was in charge of taking care of one for many years, I would grow less freakishly terrified over time. I guess the one thing that Jays and I have in common is resourcefulness. I was talking to someone from school and they said something so deeply meaningful that it made me cry. I had talked about my son, my relationships, family, friends, church, school, art, furry kids, moving and she said, "I don't know how you do it. You're so.. responsible. You're on top of things and getting it done. That's amazing." It's the first time anyone has ever said anything like that to me. Sure, my house looks like it might be featured on the "Top 10 Most Eclectic" episode of hoarders. Maybe I have little breakdowns. Maybe I do now have a permanent scar from my kid pretending to hug me and then bite me instead. Yes, sometimes finances are challenging. But I'm adulting. I am getting it done. It may not be picture-perfect or mani-pedi'ed like my mom or sister, but I've never been that person. I'm me, and my life is beautiful and full of magic. My son wears my hair ties as arm bands. I live in a house where there is always someone home, the house is never empty. I head to the door before people pull up. And it's absolutely, 100% me for right now (I'm ever changing), and it's fantastically beautiful, even if only I see it that way.

Where did I go?

"The real reason I haven't been writing is that- I haven't been writing. It has burst upon me like a revelation. I do what I do, and I don't do what I don't do. I feel embarrassed by this, as if everyone on earth knows this except me. The way I write more is to turn on the computer, sit in front of it, and write." -Meg Barnhouse. Something happened recently (which I may or may not discuss on here) which leads me to think I need to blog more. And possibly learn to use my camera instead of my phone, since I never could figure out how to transverse the instagram-blogspot vortex. I need a place to write, to rant, to stretch out the scraps of thought in my mind and see if I've got a quilt, a collage, or just stuff that needs to go in the recycle bin. I could claim that things got very complicated; and they did to an extent. I have a toddler (who is sometimes less than well-mannered and gracious). I had an internship with what began as an amazing experiment in ecumenical community and, through miscommunication, split my whole world (and my friend-world) in half. I have applied for candidacy with my church, which is basically a learning internship... at the end of which, my congregation could decide to locally ordain me. This is complicated by the fact that I'm trying desperately to shift my sleep schedule so that I can make it to night classes at a massage school. I love massage already, don't get me wrong... but with everything else and my hypothyroid issues, I'm having a difficult time getting myself in gear and if I can't pull things out of the toilet somehow, I will not make my hours and will have wasted tuition. Which, I don't want to do... massage is like spiritual counseling through movement, and I wake up feeling happy-sore every morning after a good class session. I'm just at a place where I need someone to hold my hand and guide me back to where I need to be. There are also some very cool people in my class, who might be friends if I were around enough to know. On top of that, our landlords want us out of the house within the next 30 days; I have not one clue how that is going to happen. Our house is currently a wreck. The one house we looked at was dirty, had a human sized hole in the ceiling of the garage, and had dead animals everywhere.. including, charmingly, stuffed into a toy chimpanzee in the backyard. We were told this was used as a daycare center. I left with a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. Having written just that has been cathartic. My poor partner has to listen to me constantly since all my friends are either on the daytime schedule or one of the coasts, and I'm used to the friendly chatter that keeps thinking at a lull until I'm alone. As the one people person in the house, I'm currently almost always alone and it's driving me to the nail-biting, dry-mouthed brink of talking to my cat. Or creating an imaginary friend. If I don't talk to them in public, I'm totally not too old for one.. right? As for my son, like his height and his insatiable ability to get into trouble early on in life, his "terrible twos" have come on very quickly. He can (and will) say "no", "stop", "don't", "tlvh-hv", and "e-e-e"... oh, and "jedi". He smacks me, pulls my hair, refuses to let me feed him (Dad, of course, is the savior parent... since he built Tos cell-by-cell and risked his life to bring him into the world), kicks me, and refuses to play with me. So I've been unashamedly attempting to buy his love. The color-on-windows crayons were/are a HUGE hit and he seems particularly enamored of the "giant" green bouncy ball I got him. Wait until he figures out he can play with it outside! However, my little ginger-man seems to think these gifts come from the gift fairy, not the life-giving fairy. I can just hope this is a phase and once he moves from wanting to be carried all the time to wanting to actually play he will see me the way other small children have always seen me- like a glitter-sweating fairy gothmother with the imagination of a kid and the height of a tall 8 year old. On the other hand, the kid has a serious music addiction. Not only does he dance to anything, but he hums and will frequently repeat songs I've sung (not children's songs...if my kid is going to hear about the black plague, it's going to be through some metal band, not ring-around-the-rosie). In other news, I'm surrounded by blue jays. I'l blog on that next.