Fat Rant

I understand that this is a very controversial issue and my personal take on this is not going to be thrilling for the "gym girls" or for the "fat-ivists". I have read many manifestos concerning "Fat Pride" and discussions about the fat pride movement. I understand railing against the mainstream beauty paradigm. However, telling people they are not damming their health by avoiding exercise is wrong. That having a doctor tell you that your weight and lack of healthy diet and exercise is causing problems is judgmental.Being over-weight can severely impact your health. Having gone from 125lbs to 220lbs (yes, I was pregnant), I can tell you what a difference extraneous weight makes. My joints ached constantly, they still do even 6 months after being pregnant. I couldn't move properly, I couldn't bend. I could not engage in the activities I enjoyed. Walking became difficult. The problem is not the form, it's the function. Can you live a healthy lifestyle? Can you do what you enjoy doing? Can you fit comfortably in public spaces? The problem is not that we should be encouraging people to become proud of being grotesquely large. It's that what we now consider "fat" is not actually fat. I was watching the movie Brand and one of the characters came up with an absolutely diabolical plot. They were going to start marketing things with Fat being beautiful! Oh, my gosh! In fact, he made a comment that it would be the biggest coup in history, that they would use marketing to change how humans viewed beauty!!!!

Utter nonsense. This has been going on forever.

If you look through history, even just the last two thousand years, the female shape has changed to suit whatever was selling. The one thing that was almost universal was that the only times androgynous or overly-thin silhouettes became in-style would be during or directly after times of war or famine. Otherwise, whether we are talking the ancient Greeks, the Greek revivalists, the Rubenesque women of portraiture, even the tightly-corseted Victorians, women were characterized by their curves.

The more meat on a woman, the better her resources, and the more likely she is to produce healthy children.

Fashion has followed; during the renaissance, women wore "bum rolls" (fabric worn tied around their hips to accentuate the difference between their waists and their hips), not to mention petticoats, farthing gales, etc. The first major emergence of the boyish figure was during and directly after WWI. If you were poor, you were restricted by extreme rationing. If you were wealthier, the best way to appear patriotic was to mimic the slimmer figures of those under strict rationing.

After WWII began to help alleviate some of the Depression-era poverty of America, the attractive female returned to her slim-waisted but hour-glass shape.

As women entered the work force during the 1960's, the ideal shape began to masculinize once more. Not only did de-emphasizing one's female shape hopefully help one become recognized as closer to equal in the career world, but women were gaining new rights which had previously been reserved only for men. They were able to control their reproduction and were socially more likely to have control over their sexual choices. Men could no longer use their normal methods of control over women. What they could do was infantalize them through raising pre-pubescent girlhood to the height of sexual attractiveness. Twiggy became a fashion icon; the eternal girl with immature or nonexistent curves. With the rise of thinness as the epitome of chic, fashion designers were blessed. No longer would they have to create clothing that looked well-tailored to the widely-differing female form! No more would they be slaves to the curves! They could design clothes based on how they wanted the clothes to look; not how they would look *on* a person. The models were no more than hangers. Unfortunately, those with free time to exercise or the money to eat the now much more expensive healthy, natural food were able to keep up- they began to thin themselves down to match the fashions. As with all fashion, it began to trickle down. If you did not have the time to work out or the cash to eat well, one could always starve themselves. As the lower classes became smaller, the highest echelons had no alternative but to become even smaller. If you compare ads from the 1990s (marked by extreme slightness) to those of today, you are faced with the realization that what was previously both thin and fit is now too large. Those that are touted as "gym girls" are very rarely in shape.. they are thin.

They do not have powerful thighs for running or pushing weight; they have tiny thighs that do not touch. This is supposed to be our ideal. If you take a look at clothing in everyday stores, the clothes are constructed for straight or almost stick-thin silhouettes. Those shirts that are attractive at a size 0-4 are the same shape as those at size 16-18. Neither of those shirts previously mentioned accommodate breasts of average size. When I graduated high school, I was a size xs or s (there was no xxs), and had A-cup breasts. A few months later, I had C-cup breasts. My was it size had not changed but I was now a medium or even large in shirts and dresses. When I began wearing bras, the smallest that were available were A cups and the enormous, ridiculous breasts were DD-cups. Now, there are AA and AAA cup bras and my "enormous" postpartum breasts are H cups. The most popular stores rarely carry anything larger than a C-cup bra. Our thin is now terrifying. I do not know a single woman that can eat a dessert and enjoy it; they will almost always think about their physique before digging in. Our jeans would not look baggy on those that were rescued from concentration camps. high fashion jeans are rarely offered over a size 26 and have been known to go down to size 18 (that's inches. an 18 inch waist was considered unreal in the days of corsets... and those jeans are not measured at the natural waist). Do you think I'm exaggerating? Look at this woman:

Versus:

Or this:

Think these may be exceptions, check out this story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1279766/Former-Cosmo-editor-LEAH-HARDY-airbrushing-skinny-models-look-healthy-big-fat-dangerous-lie.html And that was in 2010, 3 years before now when we're in the height of the jeggings craze. As someone that has always had an hour-glass shape in a stick-figure world, things can be frustrating. Whether I am at 180 (48-36-46, 7 weeks postpartum) or at 100 (30-22-30), I never have less than an 8 inch difference between my waist and my hips. This has always made finding clothing extremely difficult. When I was skating, my thighs were too big for girls jeans. Even if I wanted to go androgynous, I couldn't... binding my chest would not hide the obvious flares of my ribs and pelvis. When I was at 115lbs and climbing regularly, I could fit into Hollister size 2-4 jeans but my calves were too muscular (yay advent of skinny jeans, huh?). I was thrilled when I noticed that some 1930's-1940's styles were coming back into style this spring! I was psyched!!! Then I tried them on and realized that though there was a "waist", the dress I tried on was still cut along a straight line. They all were. Now we're redesigning clothing meant to fit the female form for something closer to a 9 year old girl's. Every grown woman is being taught to be ashamed of her body. We need to get back to a healthy middle. We need to find balance, and create a society that lauds (and produces clothing for) all different shapes and sizes.

My Inner Demon

I have a demon inside me. I'm not talking possession or the hearing of voices necessitating anti-psychotics and electro-convulsive therapy. We've all got at least one demon- that voice hitchhiking in our mind, commenting on our thoughts. It can be loud or soft as a whisper, but it's almost always derisive. It puts down. It judges. It tears down- others, or maybe ourselves. It's the shadow of our personality, the thing we fight. My personal demon is named "Snark". She is the most intelligent, well-informed person in the room, and she knows it. She judges a person's clothing, their words, their etiquette, their posture. She comments on my own inner commentary. She wrestles with arguments in my head that I finished in the real world hours, days (sometimes years) ago. She says the rude things in my mind that I keep firmly clamped behind my smile. Though dangerous and in need of being kept in check, she can sometimes be funny. Plus, she allows me to get rid of the vitriol inside without unleashing it upon anyone. Today's conversation with Snark went thusly: A couple of tiny teen hipster girls standing nearby snicker about my weight and how poorly my clothing fits. So, Snark says to them, "Why, yes. I do have a little extra weight on me right now. I recently brought a new life into the world, thank you for noticing. Since I previously wore mostly children's sizes, I am still in my maternity clothes. However, I always feel moved to help those in need and it looks as if someone stole your pants and left you nothing but a big shirt! Bless your heart! Here's $20. I know it won't be enough to buy a new pair of skinny mint jeggings from whatever prosti-tot outlet you usually frequent, but it should cover a copy of Emily Post's book on Manners." Thankfully, I ignored Snark and waited on my take-out in peace.

Quick Update

Haven't written for a while. We got back from our trip home safely; it went very well. My son got to meet my grannie, my mamaw, my step-grandmother, my god family, and one of the first people to welcome me into this world, along with his aunt (my sister). Since then, we've been struggling to get things back in order, get caught up. Get the car inspected and all that. The daily grind.

Barefoot, No Longer Pregnant

I didn't believe them. I had heard the rumors that your foot will grow with every pregnancy, but I thought it was an old wive's tale. How foolish. Then, I got pregnant. Very pregnant. By the time I was 8 months along, my feet had been bathed in relaxin and expected to bear twice their normal weight. By the time I had Tobias, none of my regular shoes would fit- I had gone from a size 7 to size 11. I bought a pair of cheap clogs, a pair of Croc jelly flats, and was gifted a very large comfy pair of ugg-style boots. However, since I was put on bed rest at 7 months, I spent most of my time barefoot. Tos is now 3 months and I've got a confession to make. I've been waiting for my feet to shrink back down. I've had most of my shoes since late middle school, and I'm not willing to part with them. There's a pair of beaten-up big black combat boots of which I'm particularly fond. The other day, we went to the theater and I couldn't make it two blocks in my too-tiny heels; I stomped barefoot and well-dressed across campus to the auditorium. Also, shoes are expensive. I don't have the money to replace even a small part of my collection. Not only that, but I'm hoping that between the gluten-free food dissolving some of the inflammation and losing weight, they'll shrink more. I've been flopping around in my pregnancy shoes and even doing my tai qi barefoot on the back patio. No more- for my birthday, I bought myself a pair of pretty awesome cross-trainers. However, there's been an unforeseen downside to this. Wearing shoes like a civilized person has left my feet and ankles in agony. It makes me wonder at my father's family, going bare food for whole seasons of their lives. Does this represent a realignment of our souls to suit social propriety? If so, should I be trying to rework my misanthropic, post-pregnancy self into someone that can go back into the world? Isn't something like that necessary?

Gluten-Free Product Review #2

Time for my next update on attempting to go gluten-free. The first product is: Amy's Gluten-Free Rice Crust Pizza I got three different pizzas to try out... Wonder what the cashier thought with us getting so much junk food? Either way; I love Amy's food. I've been a fan of their bean and cheese burritos for a long time. This was rather disappointing. The crust as spongy and not crumbly (which I gather is a problem with non gluten products), but it was bland. It was so bland that I might as well have been eating plain toast. In the end, I added some garlic powder and seasonings with shredded cheese and it wasn't bad. If we wanted to create our own pizza and not bother putting sauce and cheese on the crust, it would be a good arrangement. Hopefully the others will be better. The second product is: Glutino's Chocolate Covered Pretzels. Justin brought me some of these as a surprise the other day. Since the crackers were so good, I expected quite a bit and they didn't disappoint. The pretzels were slightly hard, but the mixture of chocolate and salty pretzel was perfect. I will definitely keep getting these.

Stacking Stones; A meditative practice

Do you have difficulty with sitting meditation? The benefits of meditation are touted far and wide, but many people find it difficult to sit and clear their minds. There are alternate sitting meditations, which I will cover further in later posts, but contrary to popular belief traditional seated meditation may not be the most beneficial. In others posts, I will cover not only different forms of meditations but will explain the four dignities. Nontraditional sitting meditations can be beneficial for those that find their mind wandering too far during silent meditation. Some of the less traditional forms of still meditation include miksang, calligraphy, and stacking stones. I took up stacking stones because I find it a much easier to clear my head when I'm not specifically attempting to clear my head. Rock stacking can be done with minimal monetary investment... all you need to do is find some rocks. Many people stack river rocks, because they are both visually appealing and more difficult to stack, being round. The water flowing over the stones causes them to wear smooth; an interesting visual metaphor. Other popular places to stack are on rocky beachesand in the garden. If you live, as I did until recently, in an urban or apartment environment... you can still engage in this activity. For many years, I kept an empty planting pot in my room ant later on my porch, filled with rocks for stacking. It allowed me to keep my rocks in a living area so that I did not forget to use them, and kept them neat. Since it would have been almost impossible to obtain stones when I first began, I purchased some medium-sized ornamental stones of the type used in flower arrangements and empty jars. These can be found at any craft store. How to go about this? locate a flat surface. Slowly balance one stone upon another until you have an artfully structured arrangement. It's simple, but challenging.

Gluten-Free Product Review #1

I've been painfully cutting gluten out of my diet. I tried some regular pizza the other day and the next morning I felt horrid. I was bloated and exhausted and anxious with a stuffy nose and cloudy mind. So, no more. Since it appears to be a change I'm going to have to get used to, I grabbed some gluten-free groceries from whole foods. So the first: Glutinos Glutan-Free Crackers, Original flavor. Not bad. I had some this morning with some crunchy peanut butter and couldn't tell the difference. The taste is bland enough to be a good vehicle for other foods (peanut butter, cheese, etc) but I wouldn't want to eat them alone. The main difference was the texture. It wasn't noticeable while I was eating them, but the last bite was a bit... hard. They weren't crumbly but the grain was harder than wheat crackers. The second product is Udi's Whole Grain Bread. I was nervous about this, because bread is one of those foods that can't be camouflaged. This bread, however, was pretty good even compared to the normal stuff. It wasn't crumbly and it was a little bit sweet just like whole wheat. I toasted it and had a bit with some marion blackberry preserves- it was delicious and rather filling. Overall, both of these products appear to be great alternatives to my Town Houses and HoneyWheat.

Modesty & Fashion

Being a religious studies major and an observer of religious lifestyles, this is not the first time I've considered the issue of personal modesty. Those that know me may be surprised to know that there have been time in my life when I've very strictly monitored what I wore and am contemplating doing so again. When I was in late middle school and high school, my mother wanted me to dress a very specific way and it was not one of modesty. My mother wanted me to wear abercrombie and fitch, holister, and similar brands known for their skin-revealing clothing. The years of my high school were the ones which saw the rise and fall of the peek-a-boo thong, during which underwear were specifically designed to be worn over the waistband of one's jeans. I may have been clad in big ole boots and black fishnet (under a short sleeved shirt), but even I felt the impropriety was ludicrous. For a time in college I wore long skirts and head coverings, trying to feel-out my specific beliefs on modesty and to see how my dress impacted the behavior of others. That said, here is where I currently stand on modesty in dress: 1. Wear things in which you are comfortable. I'm not talking about physical comfort (though that should also be a consideration!). Wear things that fall within your moral safe zone. If you have Biblically held beliefs and you feel the correct mode of dress is long skirts and a head covering with no make-up; wear that. If you feel you're modest in cap sleeves and shorts that go halfway down the thigh, rock it. If you feel that the human body is sacred and feel comfortable showing yours off, wear that bikini. Because: 2. It's not what you wear, it's how you wear it. What is important is the intention with which you garb yourself. I have seen women in long sleeves and a long dress shimmy their way along, drawing desirous gazes from men and women alike. I've seen people completely unrobed that are so pure in their hearts that it was as if original sin had never been imagined. There are plenty of "modesty" clothes with sequins across the bust or lines drawing attention to the figure. If you are sincere in your intentions, then however you dress is going to be secondary. Why bother with the outward forms if you're working around them? It's how you move, how you speak, how you interact with others, and how you think. Which brings me to: 3. You are not in charge of what others think. I've heard a lot of people in the modesty movement talking about using modest dress as a way to help others not stumble. If you personally and honestly feel that the way you dress is about showing respect to others, then cling to that. However, if you are wondering if what you wear may cause members of the opposite (or same) sex to have impure thoughts, you need to understand that we are all in charge of our own thoughts. If we see something that arouses us, it is up to each individual to control what direction his or her own train of thought runs. Shaming (mostly) women by telling them that they are leading their brothers and sisters to sin by the way they dress ignores the fact that what a person thinks is between them and god.. if a person cannot be held accountable for the decisions they make in privacy in their own heads, then what can people be held accountable for doing? So then, it is not what is on the body that dictates modesty, it's what is in the heart.

Springing

Spring is nearing, winter waning. The chill air slowly warms when the sun peaks through the clouds. The grass renews it's verdant colour. Being a spring child myself (March 21; Spring Equinox), I'm a big fan of the season. About this time each year, the meadow next to my mother's house becomes a sea of cheery yellow as it's overtaken by hundreds of daffodils blooming beneath the tempestuous sky. Their scent drifts through the air. The resurrected fields beg to be walked through barefoot, but you must take a sweater. There are so many holidays celebrated around this time. Easter is approaching with it's resurrection story. Wiccans are preparing to celebrate Ostara. They share many themes- eggs, bunnies, sunrise, renewal. All of these are props drawing the eye to the performance of the yearly ritual of Spring itself. This is a festival of new beginnings. Since I love pinterest, I've created a Spring board featuring the beautiful aspects of this time of year:

Chia

Chia seeds. Tiny white-and-grey kernels containing so much. This grain was consumed by the Mayas and Aztecs since before 3000BC. They were mixed with water to increase hydration, ground into flour, eaten raw (they've got a pretty delicious, nutty flavor), and used for their oil. A single serving of chia seeds can provide over 40% of your daily fiber. It has more Omega-3 fatty acids than salmon, and has more calcium than skim milk. They even provide protein. Mountain Rose Herbs says they contain," Essential fatty acids alpha-linolenic and linoleic acid, mucin, strontium, 30% protein, Vitamins A, B, E, and D, and minerals including calcium, phosphorus, potassium, sulphur, iron, iodine, copper, zinc, sodium, magnesium, manganese, niacin, thiamine, silicon, and anti-oxidants." They are ideal for weightloss, because a small amount will fill you up; when mixed with water, these seeds develop a gel-like coating which help you feel more full. These are all excellent reasons to eat these things.. but they aren't the reason I tried them. You see, I had been buying these: from various grocers for a long time. They are chia drinks made with organic juices and a smudge of agave nectar. They're delicious... but incredibly expensive. They reminded me of the Orbitz drinks I downed as a kid after skating practice. I looked around and it turns out that if you add them to water and let them sit for 30 minutes, they become all gelatinous and can be added to just about everything. Some people add them to pudding, but I find them delightful in juice. I've been drinking them in orange-mango, but are probably good in about anything. I'm going to try them later in tea.

Restart

Let's not dance around it; I've been amiss when it comes to updating this blog. Originally, this blog was tied to my jewelry business but it's been awhile since I've done anything with that either. When we found out I was pregnant with Tobias, it was clear we couldn't stay in our apartment. Up till the move, my jewelry-making tools were split between my desk in the bedroom and my workbench on the porch. I was put on bedrest right before the move because of a pre-term labor scare, so I couldn't help pack or move. I have no idea which boxes house my jewelry gear and (hopefully) we won't be at this house long enough to merit unpacking everything. I'm excited about the prospect of tackling this blog. Things are progressing in such a way that I am sensing a renewal. I'm finishing up the open-hand tai qi form and am going to be starting the spring and autumn fan form. I'm going to delve into some shamanic drumming. We're trying to eat better and I'm cutting out gluten. I'm going to try my hand at sewing so I can reuse my old clothes that don't seem to be fitting fast enough after having had my baby... I'm applying to go back to school after having taken the year off for the end of the pregnancy and for Tos' first months. I'm considering selling my jewelry business to fund the start of what may become a major business venture. I'm experiencing a blossoming of my personal faith. These are huge steps for me. I've been distanced from everything these last few months. The day we had Tobias, I had a grand mal seizure. Ever since then, my postpartum anxiety has been causing me to think I was going to have a seizure every time I had a panic attack. Our lifestyle has definitely not been healthy or mindful up till now. We've been eating junk food and not exercising... Probably like 99% of America; though you wouldn't know it from reading other blogs. I'm going to be honest about it, though, because the changes wouldn't appear so miraculous from the outside otherwise.