The Arachno-files

Anyone that knows me knows that my biggest fear is spiders. It might be thanks to reading 'Scary Stories to Read in the Dark' in 3rd grade, featuring the story where a girl's pimple turns out to be a spider's eggsac that hatches: ....or it could be growing up in east Tennessee/ North Carolina and finding these everywhere: These spiders can be up to the size of dinner plates, and in case that isn't freaky enough... the female carries her babies on her body, so they act like little arachnatorpedos. Like this:

The face of evil, my friends. I can remember my mother and godmother freaking out about finding one with a legspan of what looked like 8 inches crawling on the floor of our basement where my friend and I were playing. Unable to find anything short of a gun that would allow them better chances of finishing it off at a distance, they used 5 cans and spray-painted that spider to death, shrieking hysterically whenever it so much as twitched. It's one of those areas where you rinse your water glass out twice, because a spider has probably set up residence in it. So, I come by my debilitating fear honestly.. even if it doesn't excuse a full-grown adult of fleeing the room when a dime-sized 8-legged friend pops in to say hello. I've been slowly conquering my fears over the years, though. First, I threw myself into rock climbing.. which not only got rid of my fear of heights, but gave me a sport I love. I began working on my fear of needles in high school by getting piercings, but it isn't anything near the same (with piercings, I get to keep jewelry in it). So, when I was expecting Tobias, I womaned-up and dealt with the numerous blood draws and IVs as best as I could. I even had to go in once a week and get IV iron thanks to my little parasite...and I did. I didn't freak out or cry or even make them wait. I just watched the needle go in until I could deal. So, now came the time to address the spiders. I began by acknowledging that I needed something normal-ish. People keep tarantulas. I started by watching videos by keepers, learning about the different temperaments of different types, working my way up to feeding and even handling videos (though those are not necessarily a great idea). I started hanging around our local exotic pet store, looking at tarantulas and watching them. Talked to a few people that had them. I bought myself a g. porteri named "Caroline". This was autumn of last year. I've lost two slings so far, but now I have 13 tarantulas and 1 wild-caught funnel spider. I watch them eat, clean themselves, wander around their enclosures. I've even handled two of them. Tobias is obsessed with them and will often insist on checking on them, watching them feed, or kissing the enclosures goodnight...he even touched my most docile tarantula (after a lot of handling on my part to judge individual temperament...and even then, he just touched her leg). I've considered beginning a youtube channel about my journey with them combined with my journey with make-up and have begun a blog called "8LegsAndEyeliner", which so far has only an extensive list of tarantulas I want. Either way, my photos aren't great but here are some pictures of the types I own:

This would be Caroline. I also have an un-named sling.

I have two slings: Cauchemar (Nightmare in French), and Bela Lugosi.. they're a little high-strung.

Two of these: Seven (it lost a leg during a molt.. they grow back but the name stuck), and Ulrich.. because they're Avicularia Metallicas.. When they grow up, they will look like this: With a purple/blue/green sheen. And yes, they do have little pink toes.

This is a euathlus sp. red, and my favorite. Her name is Jezebel and she is so curious all the time; never skittish or defensive. She hides behind her front legs a lot as if embarrassed. These are a dwarf species and she is full-grown at smaller than half my very small hand. Speaking of dwarf species; these pictures don't do them justice:

Female and Male. The pictures can't capture the colors; the bodies and legs are bright emerald with the "butt" (not using technical terms here for ease of reading) bright orange with white underneath and black striping. My male is very small but elegant and constantly trying to get me to hold him so he can look around. I'm trying to breed them, but it's not going well...and to be honest, I love the male. It's going to suck when he dies.

A Mexican red knee. I've got a juvenile named Watson (no idea of the sex yet). I don't handle it, but it's always out, looking around. It rearranges the fake flowers in it's enclosure and is generally very cute. Tackles crickets like it's a quarterback.

Two of these. I'm very careful with them, because they're the only ones with bad venom. P. regalis. I had hopes of getting a female (they have gorgeous markings..). They're called ornamentals because you look at them and leave them alone. My oldest is named Sarge and may be almost mature, and I have one missing a fore-leg (meaning he'll never be able to mate) named Achilles. Sarge is chill, but Achilles runs and hides immediately. I also have a funnel spider that earned itself the name "Reaper" after taking down two crickets almost twice it's size (still smaller than a pencil eraser). So, that's what's going on. I'm obsessed and terrified... but, that's how you face your fears.

Allergies, Jurassic Park, and The Mystery of the Black Plastic

It's that time of year again. Or one of them. Everyone in the house feels like they have the flu, my voice vanishes behind a pain so great it feels like the Sea Witch from the Little Mermaid and I have some pact, and even my stalwart husband goes down for the count. This time, literally blacking-out in the middle of teaching tai qi. I've done needling, oils, and the good old favorites- nyquil, dramamine, and robitussin (oh, the taste of teenage memories spent chugging a bottle, walking on the back of your friend's couch, throwing up for 30 minutes, and then spilling your emotional life-story to someone equally out of it. If you don't get the reference, good. Abusing medication is bad, and totally not worth it.) We ran through the zyrtec and went on to the big guns- Benadryl. I say this because it is the one medication that has been able to consistently render me unconscious since childhood. You know what, though? They make regular, dye-free, Extra-Strength... but what they don't make is what is desperately needed: TEXAS STRENGTH. Before you wave me off as over-reacting, let me explain. Not only does Austin have a year-round pattern of pollen, mold, and mildew allergy seasons... but the plants here over-produce pollen like they're paid by the grain. We may actually be breathing in more pollen than actual oxygen right now. I grew up in a deciduous rainforest, had allergies, got allergy shots. Took claritin when it was a prescription. This leaves all that in the dust (sure, pun intended). This year is even worse; Tobias developed a fever, wouldn't eat, was genuinely affectionate... I was worried. Now, he's just wiping his snotty face against anything and anyone except tissues. It's revolting, but since he can't understand what is going on, there's no way to explain why it's so gross so we're in an endless cycle of wiping, reprimanding, wiping again. Meanwhile, we adults chug water like we're at a kegger and wait. Wait until it's something to which we aren't allergic that comes into bloom. In other news, as the weather heats up... the desert fauna flock indoors to try and survive the heat themselves. This has resulted in Tos and I being covered in mosquito bites, me killing a brown recluse, and me actually getting stung by a SCORPION while READING IN BED. I'd been there over half an hour, meaning he had just been cuddling up to me that whole time. I didn't handle that with the aplomb that it could have been dealt. Mostly, I threw off my covers, jumped up, grabbed my thigh while cursing, and shouted, "Justin! Scorpion! Stung! Scorpion in bed. On the floor! Kill!" He used one of my books to flatten it, which I later felt badly about (scorpions sting instinctively...it was scared), and we searched it online. It was a striped bark scorpion or c. vittatus, common around here and not particularly dangerous. I know people keep them as pets commonly. Admittedly, the websites lied- it does not feel like a wasp, hornet, or bee sting and lasts several days longer..but it wasn't that bad. They also have adorable little faces with cute little eyes:

Anyway, that's not the thing that's bothering me (except for obsessively checking my bedding every time I climb out of it for a moment and get back in). It's that w live in Texas, where everything is bigger. Since we live in a wooded area near a creek, the cockroaches are absolutely ENORMOUS. The last one I killed was about 3 inches long, and.. they fly. I keep expecting to look outside and find a flock of velociraptors fighting over a deer. Everything is huge here, especially the bugs..though I did see a 6ft rattlesnake just crawling down the pedestrian sidewalk in our neighborhood. I'm not afraid of roaches, but I am rally disgusted by them. Not if they're outside. I'm an outdoor person; they belong there. When they're in here with my food, my baby, and my bed... that is the difference. We put out the chemical traps when they first began to pop up, but they're resilient and have made a comeback. After killing 4 in one morning, I asked Justin to put out some more traps. So later, I notice Tenebrae (our black lab) chewing on a piece of black plastic. She grabs her temporary chew-toys from the garbage; not eating but eagerly dismantling paper, cardboard, plastic, and styrofoam alike. Mostly, it just means I pick up the pieces when she's done and we don't waste money on chew toys that she devours whole in 3 hours. However, when Tobias woke up from his nap, I walked in to find the living room floor covered in shredded, destroyed black plastic. I was aghast- what was this? We didn't leave anything out like that for her... did she grab one of the toddler toys? Was I seeing the destruction of Batman? I gingerly picked up one of the pieces that appeared to have writing on it and felt myself blanche. Roach traps. Since our phones have been off, mine was missing, so I had Mori call and ask what sort of traps Justin had used and whether I should be trying to induce vomiting in this hyper, unwilling 70lbs of pure fur-covered muscle. He replied that even having eaten all of the ones we'd set out (6), she should be fine. My response was divided. Clearly, these were effectively delicious to entice a large dog to painstakingly remove them from hiding just to enjoy the taste. On the other hand, if the dog kept eating them then the roaches would never get a chance. Looks like we're going back to the previous brand.